


The Weight Of Your Body Is Stenciled on my Soul

by lovegabanti



Category: Bandom
Genre: Angst, M/M, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:03:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovegabanti/pseuds/lovegabanti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The summer that Dan Keyes moved to Las Vegas and met Ryan Ross was one of the hottest on record.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Weight Of Your Body Is Stenciled on my Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Fic based on Young Love's cover of 1979, originally by The Smashing Pumpkins.

 

_Shakedown 1979, cool kids never have the time_

_On a live wire right up off the street_

_You and I should meet_

_Junebug skipping like a stone_

* * *

 

The summer that Dan Keyes moved to Las Vegas and met Ryan Ross was one of the hottest on record. He and his family had just moved from Texas, and he was going to begin high school in the fall. Tired of watching him unhelpfully try to unpack boxes, his mother gets his bike of the truck, hands him a five dollar bill, and tells him to explore the neighborhood, but to keep track of time and be home before dinner.

****

Dan rides up and down a few streets, feeling the heat of the sun through his thin t-shirt. Just as he’s about to turn back, he sees a boy, maybe a year or so younger, sitting on the sidewalk.

****

“Hey.” Dan says, skidding to a stop. The boy looks up, nods before picking up a small grey rock. He tosses it across the street, watching it bounce along the asphalt before coming to a gentle halt a few yards away. The telephone lines cast shadows across the boy’s face, accentuating his slim bone structure.

****

“Hi.” The boy’s voice is like honey, but tinged with sadness. Dan hears the sound of glass breaking from inside the house. The boy flinches, trying not to look back at the house. The front door slams, and a disheveled looking woman comes out, hair and clothing askew. The woman calls to the boy on the sidewalk.

****

“I’m staying at your aunts.” She huffs before driving off.

****

“Are you okay?” Dan asks, moving to get off his bike and sit next to him. Before he can swing his leg over, the boy stands up, shaking his head. Putting his hand up to stop him, the boy turns and runs up the driveway.

****

The boy heads up to the side of the house he was seated in front of and returns with a bike of his own, waving Dan along as he races down the driveway and makes a sharp turn, dust flying out beneath his tires.

****

Dan follows the mysterious stranger, behind an abandoned commercial building and through a rickety fence, before he stops at a borderline of a few trees.  The boy gets off his bike, setting it against one of the trees near the edge before heading slowly down a hill. Dan shrugs, following the boy’s actions. His mom wanted him to find adventure, and that he shall.

****

At the bottom of the hill, the ground leveled out somewhat to reveal a grassy field, looking way too healthy to belong in the depths of the desert. At the edge of the grass ran a gentle river, roughly 20 feet across. It extended 50 feet before curving out of sight around the old building, the other direction flowing for what looked to be half a mile before the view was blocked by trees. If you looked hard enough, you could see the tips of the buildings on the strip in the distance.

****

The boy sits down at the edge of the river, patting a spot on the grass beside him without looking back. Dan follows.  

****

“I’m Ryan.” He says after a few minutes.

****

“This place is beautiful.” Dan says in reply.

 

* * *

 

_Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below_

_Double cross the vacant and the bored_

_They're not sure just what we have in store_

* * *

  
  


“You think we’ll ever get out of here? Out of Vegas?” Years later, Ryan tilts his head back, looking at Dan through his bangs. They’re sprawled out on the grass at the bank of the river. Dan knows his mother will be looking for him soon, knows he can’t leave yet because Ryan’s parents won’t be.

****

“Fuck if I know.” Dan sighs, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a half-full box of cigarettes and a worn lighter. “Want one?” He asks, taking one for himself and extending the box towards Ryan.

****

“You bet.”

****

He holds the lighter in front of Ryan as he puts the cigarette to his lips and breathes deeply. Dan watches the small flame get reflected in Ryan’s eyes.

****

Bringing the lighter to his own, Dan lets his eyes fall closed as he breathes in through the cigarette, blowing out a smooth stream of smoke from his lips.

****

Ryan looks off into the distance, seemingly lost in thought as the sun sets on the horizon.

 

* * *

 

_Morphine city slipping dues down to see_

_That we don't even care as restless as we are_

_We feel the pull in the land of a thousand guilts_

_And poured cement, lamented and assured_

_To the lights and towns below_

* * *

  


Ryan’s mother feels so guilty about missing out on her son’s life that she takes off whenever possible. Whenever a work opportunity presents itself, she is always the first to volunteer. Ryan used to imagine the click of her heels across the sidewalk as she exits the cab and prepares to board yet another plane. He wondered if she ever thought about bringing him along, on one of these trips.

****

What he never found out was that as soon as she found her seat, Ryan’s mother would rest her head in her hands until the flight attendants finished boarding. She would then look out the small plane window as the iconic sights that make up Las Vegas vanished from view.

****

As Ryan’s mother left to catch her plane, Ryan slipped out the back door and showed up on the Keyes’ doorstep. When he knocked, no matter the time of day, Dan’s mother answered the door with a slightly sad, but knowing smile. She brought him inside and offered him something to eat, called Dan downstairs to keep him company.

  


* * *

 

_Faster than the speed of sound_

_Faster than we thought we'd go, beneath the sound of hope_

 

* * *

  


Sometimes Ryan had nightmares. He never remembered what they were about, but he woke up sweaty and afraid. On those nights, he would call Dan and he knew to keep talking, about a recent TV show, about the weather, until Ryan’s hands stopped shaking.

****

After a particularly bad one, his breath coming out in harsh gasps as he clutched at his chest and tried to remember how to breathe, he texted dan about lost hope, running water and escaping currents.

****

When Dan received the message, he ran to his car still wearing thin pajamas and drove to the old building, speeding faster and faster down the empty streets, praying he wouldn’t be too late.

****

He sees Ryan’s bike hastily thrown to the side of the path.

****

Terrified, he ran through the trees and found Ryan sitting in the shallow end of the river, cross legged and staring up at the moon. The water rushes over his knees, streaming past his hips at about mid-waist.  

****

“I couldn’t do it.” Ryan says lifelessly. As Dan comes closer he sees the boy trembling, wearing only boxers and a t-shirt.

****

Warily, as if approaching an injured animal, he comes up behind Ryan and places his hand on his shoulder, coaxing him to stand and get out of the water. Ryan is shaky on his feet, walks maybe 6 or 7 steps before collapsing on the grass, boxers soaking wet.

****

“M’cold.” He says, a few minutes later.

****

“I think I have sweatpants in my car.” Dan says, “Stay.”

****

He returns with a pair of soft pants and the blanket Dan’s family sat on during the fourth of july festivities. Looking away as Ryan removes his boxers and slides on Dan’s comically long sweats, he spreads the blanket out and tucks it around Ryan as the smaller boy falls against his chest. Dan wraps an arm around him, rubbing his shoulder.

****

Ryan doesn’t cry. He screams until his throat feels raw and sobs against his best friend’s chest for hours, feels his chest ripping itself apart. Dan holds on as tightly as he can, both arms encompassing his fragile frame from the dead of night until the sun rises the next morning.

****

At some point, the exhaustion takes over and Ryan falls asleep. Dan remains with his arms around him, petting the boy’s soft hair and wishing with all his heart for Ryan to find happiness in his dreams.

****

* * *

****

_Justine never knew the rules,_

_Hung down with the freaks and the ghouls_

_No apologies ever need be made, I know you better than you fake it_

_To see that we don't even care to shake these zipper blues_

* * *

 

 

Once, there was a girl. Justine Corgan was madly in love with Ryan Ross. She admired him for his choice in fashion, and the way he never let any of the other kids change his mind, about anything. The other kids labeled her off as “goth” or “emo” because she never felt the need to wear pink, felt more comfortable in clothing that was tight and black.

****

When she walked up to Ryan during study hall and asked him to dinner, she was euphorically shocked at his agreement. If she saw Dan sitting dejectedly across the room talking to one of the popular girls, she didn’t comment on it.

****

After dinner, when he was dropping her off, she kissed him chastely on the lips. He kissed her back.

****

At junior prom, Ryan and Dan sat together at a pristine white table clad with glass plates and fancy silverware. Their respective dates danced together, Justine and Rachel. Ryan claimed he was awkward on his feet, and Dan said he was going to keep Ryan company. The girls got along together rather swimmingly, even if Ryan hadn’t taken to Rachel as quickly. They twirled the night away, and when Dan patted his friend on the shoulder before walking away, taking Rachel’s hand with a smile on his face, Ryan didn’t look back.  

****

That night, Ryan took Justine to a hotel room. She giggled and blushed as she slipped out of her dress. Ryan unbuttoned his white dress shirt, removed the blue tie that Dan had helped him pick out the week before, and tossed them to the ground. His pants and boxers followed, climbing underneath the covers to meet her lips in a desperate kiss.

****

She lightly nipped at his collar bone as she slid the condom on to him. When he pressed into her, his face was buried in her shoulder, eyes closed as his nose rested against her neck.  

****

Afterwards, as they lay panting and tangled in the sheets, Justine drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face, resting on Ryan’s bare chest.

****

A few months later, they sat next to each other outside of the library. Ryan’s messenger bag sat beside him as he flipped through a novel.

****

“I love you.” She said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. The smile fell from her face when he startled slightly, before closing the book to look up at her with longing eyes. Justine was smart enough to realize that those eyes weren’t longing for her.

****

“I’m sorry.” Ryan said, looking down at the floor.

****

“Don’t fake it, Ryan.” She said softly. “I knew this was coming, it’s okay.”

****

Ryan watched as she tried desperately to hold back tears.

****

  


* * *

 

_Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below_

_The street heats the urgency of sound_

_As you see there's no one around_

* * *

_  
_

_**** _

The morning that Dan Keyes left Las Vegas with Ryan Ross was one of the coldest on record. Dan pulled up to Ryan’s house in his worn camaro, window down and taking in the morning chill. Ryan had already been sitting on the front porch, suitcase and guitar seated next to him on the icy porch stairs. Ryan gets up, grabbing his stuff as Dan pops the trunk. He sets his stuff down, turning to Dan and wrapping his arms around him.

****

There isn’t another soul on the street, and the serene silence is broken only by the sound of the two boys’ delicate breaths. There’s a slight current in the air, nervous tension and an urgency to get out now, before they get swallowed up by something or another.

****

“Thank you.” Ryan whispers into the morning air. Dan pats the boy’s back once before heading back to the drivers seat. The headlights bounce off of Ryan’s green garage door, reflecting the sunrise as dawn approaches.

 

* * *

****

 

_With the headlights pointed at the dawn_

_We were sure we'd never see an end to it all_

_And I don't even care to shake these zipper blues_

_And we don't know_

_Just where our bones will rest_

_To dust I guess_


End file.
